How I Stopped Worrying About What Others Consider Me

How I Stopped Worrying About What Others Consider Me


“Reside your life for you not for anybody else. Don’t let the concern of being judged, rejected or disliked cease you from being your self.” ~Sonya Parker

On August 4, 2022, I buzzed off my lengthy, thick, luscious hair.

I marched up Sandy Boulevard in Portland, Oregon, walked into Take Delight Barbershop, and sat within the chair with probably the most badass barber. She quelled my last-minute fears and boldly took the clippers to my never-shorter-than-shoulder-length hair.

It was prompt liberation.

I had lastly labored up the braveness to take action after 4 years of inside debate and fear, which went one thing like: What is going to individuals assume? Will individuals assume I’m a person? Will individuals deal with me otherwise? What if I’m really ugly and my ugliness shall be revealed? What if my head is oddly formed? Will I’ve to put on a bunch of make-up?

My worries and ideas have been clearly steeped deep in societal conditioning about magnificence and femininity. We’re instructed that lengthy hair is female and delightful. We’re instructed that younger girls aren’t imagined to have brief hair. We’re instructed that in case you are a lady with brief hair, be sure you put on make-up and jewellery so that you look female.

However I lastly stopped all of the considering, broke free from these norms, and I simply did it. I mentioned, “Off with the hair!”

And now I really feel free-er, sexier, and prettier.

I really feel extra like me.

It’s as if I shed layers that have been really hiding my true essence. My true essence as an adventurous, empathic, sensual being who generally feels comfortable and tender, and different instances feels daring and badass. My true essence as somebody who’s cautious of guidelines and authority.

It’s additionally as if I shed layers of my ego. As a result of whether or not I prefer to admit it or not, my hair was a big piece of my id as a lady. Hair is an knowledgeable communicator, with the power to ship so many messages by way of a single look. Hair communicates gender, sexuality, wealth, age, well being, and elements of our character.

Now that I’ve shed my lengthy hair, I believe the one a part of me that’s nonetheless communicated through my hair is my character. For one can not have a look at me and shortly deduce my gender, sexuality, wealth, age, or well being. (I do have very toned muscle mass and glowing pores and skin, so individuals ought to have the ability to make an assumption about my well being, however some individuals solely see the brief hair and assume I’ve most cancers).

What’s communicated boldly is that I create and dwell by my very own guidelines. And if individuals know one factor about me, THAT is strictly what I would like them to know. 

My buzzed hair additionally lends an air of secrecy, as individuals surprise about all of these different little test bins (gender, wealth, age, and so on.) which are normally communicated through hair.

Whereas I did shed some layers of my ego, my buzzed head additionally makes a fairly sturdy assertion, and in full transparency, I get lots of consideration. This consideration is available in all types.

Generally it’s “Excuse me sir…oh! I imply ma’am.”

Generally it’s “You want to put on lipstick to look extra female.” (Who mentioned I needed to look extra female?!)

Different instances it’s “Omg, you’re so lovely” or “I LOVE your hair.”

Generally I get free guac.

I get lots of smiles from passersby on the sidewalk.

I get lots of lingering seems to be on the submit workplace, the espresso store, and the dance ground.

And whereas I do like to be known as lovely (who doesn’t?!), I don’t connect myself to the reward or the criticism as a result of I’ve determined for myself that I’m sturdy, radiant, and delightful, from the within out. I not care if individuals assume I look masculine or female, ugly, or lovely. I don’t care if individuals in Idaho assume I’ve most cancers. I don’t care if individuals assume I seem like a thin boy with out make-up on. (What’s fallacious with trying like a thin boy?!)

This degree of not caring, of being so assured in who I’m, is the last word freedom. 

Plus, I do know that when individuals react come what may, it’s not actually about me and my hair. Their response signifies that I activated one thing inside them. I activated their want to be free and to cease following the principles that another person laid out for them.

In the most effective circumstances, I provide others a bit permission slip to step into their very own boldness. Which is one among my favourite elements of buzzed life—when girls inform me I’ve impressed them to buzz their lengthy hair! That they have been so apprehensive about what individuals would assume, however after seeing me do it, they now have the braveness too. That’s highly effective.

So whereas the coiffure of 1 girl might appear to be a easy and insignificant factor, it really performs a small however necessary position within the liberation and empowerment of girls.

For when a lady has the braveness to push again in opposition to magnificence requirements, that braveness is ignited, and he or she additionally develops the braveness to decide on freedom in different aspects of her life as effectively. 

For me, that has seemed like extra sexual freedom—making me extra playful in mattress and bolder in sharing my needs—and extra confidence in all areas of my life.

Buzzing my hair has additionally created extra time in my life, as I spend much less time preparing. It’s created extra psychological house, as I not spend inordinate quantities of time fascinated with methods to fashion my hair, when to clean it, and whether or not or to not get it highlighted.

It has additionally freed up extra money as a result of I not spend a whole bunch of {dollars} on highlights and cuts. My fiancé buzzes my hair at dwelling and, sometimes, I bleach it myself.

It’s additionally led to freedom in how I costume. Generally I like to decorate to specific my femininity. Different instances, I costume to specific my masculinity. As somebody who was once deeply insecure about her tomboy-ish-ness and lack of want to put on make-up, I’ve reclaimed the masculine elements of me with delight, which has been an integral a part of my therapeutic and enlargement journey.

It has additionally deepened my sensuality. Within the bathe, the water massages my head extra intimately. On a summer time day, the solar kisses me deeply. On a breezy morning, the wind and I dance a swish dance. On the dance ground, the softness of my fiancé’s lips prompts my crown chakra. I really feel much less separation between the world and me. I’m extra built-in. I’m extra conscious of my oneness with the pure world.

Sure, all of this due to my buzzed hair!

So I’ll depart you with a couple of parting phrases of knowledge:

1. Persons are going to speak and have an opinion about you it doesn’t matter what, so that you may as effectively do what you need and be who you need.

2. Others’ opinions of you actually have extra to do with them than they do with you, so don’t take stuff too personally and concern your self in the beginning along with your opinion of your self.

3. If you wish to buzz your head, do it. In the event you don’t prefer it, it’ll develop again. However I wager you’ll prefer it!

So right here’s to taking motion to dwell as a extra free, wild, and assured you!


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